Monday

Today was a great day. Heehee. Initially wanted to go exercise with my mum but it poured. Hahahaha. Forever happening when I jio her for exercise loh. Tsktsk, god, Y U DON'T WANT ME TO EXERCISE. So I woke up like 6.45am. LOL. First time in the holidays manz. So I ate breakfast, slacked, watched the news. Wah, really damn sad to know about the Stop Lynas, Save Malaysia thing. Such a big thing happening to my country also don't know tsktsk. Then eventually I watched drama, 宫心计. The disc had been waiting for me for years, brought it like during o's period, lol. Caught it together with my mum. While watching, did some art. Really satisfied with my end product. So pretty. How I love art manz. Heehee, watch and watch, and cleared 11 episodes, yay. Still want to watch but can't uh, need to wait for my mum. Watched bfb, anthony neely so cute omg. Then I finally went for a run! Yayyy. In a hundred thousand million years, I went for a run. So proud of myself manz, it had been like more than a year i think, hasn't been running only like work and hiphop (which i don't even sweat lol). Actually really damn lazy, but I mentally scolded myself like you so fat you still don't want to run, bitch, go run, go. So I went. Is a good start ok. Hahahahaha. Self-motivation at its best. And I ran five rounds, wow, clap clap clap. LOL. Bitch, stop pleasing yourself. So yah, yay, happy. I shall run every single day, I'm motivated cause I really want to slim down, like really become damn skinny when school reopens, heeheee, 360 degree change I want to achieve ok. After dinner watched Guess, lmao manz. Had a short chat with Lydia too. Waulau, first time height is being a problem manz. Zzzz. And I've been basically slacking my monday away away. LOL. I'm a pig pig pig. Sian, no work, nothing to do at home also, just slack loh, Kumon reply me leh, Moe reply me leh. Please please please. Thinking if I should go back to Malaysia during hols, if I can't find a job then I will. Heehee. Perhaps I shall run in the morning and the evening, double the effect. Damn guilz when people around me all run damn long then here I am walking LOL. COMEON, YOU CAN DO THIS.

Sian, gg, how ah, dont know why but I'm only working on Friday and Saturday next week. Didn't I told the Bitch that I can work for everyday except for Thursday. Zzz. Can't be bothered to approach her also. Maybe is really time for me to leave. I will really miss my colleagues because they always make me laugh. Heehee. Today two cute and handsome jap customers came, then Mei Ling and I really nonsense lah, we scissors paper stone to see who go order, i lost but in the end I took their order. HAHAHAHAHA. Then when they leave, Mei Ling said arigato gozaiyimaz then they said back arigato gozaiyimaz which sounded damn nice cuz they jap.  Then Mei Ling say See you tomorrow then they laugh, omggggg, so cute, then the both of us can't stop laughing non-stop, fa hua chi. Will really miss this kind of nonsense time we have while looking at hot guys, looking at cute babies and children. And a lot of nonsense, bi jing, unknowingly, it had been more than a year. Really hope Kumon replies my email and moe quickly approve my relief teaching. I have no time to waste.

It's Sunday

So long since I'm doing nothing on a Sunday. A free Sunday. Not really but still quite enjoying it. Cleaned my room today. Damn dirty omg. I still haven't throw away those notes I made for O's. I mean is so pretty and is my hard work, just can't bear to throw them away. And my birthday presents are all hidden somewhere and I'll only realize them when I tidy my room. Ouch. I still haven't clean the windows, wash the curtains and hang up my bed curtains. Someday someday. Having work later. But is raining damn heavily now. Sianz. How I wish I can just nua on my bed, catch movies in this perfect weather.

Monte Carlo

Thanks Jin Wei for reminding me of this movie. Wanted to watch it when it was out in the cinemas but as always I didn't find time out for it. Love the movie! Thought it was not bad :) Quite cute! I want to go Paris someday! Such a beautiful place. Selena and Leighton are so pretty pretty too! 

I'm such a pig, laying on my bed blogging, laying on my bed watching the movie.My first time actually using my lappy on my bed. Pig, is time to sleep. Now, go sleep. 

500 days of Summer

Hmm, maybe I didn't quite get the movie. Was neutral to me. I didn't even cry or feel touched, lol, bo shiok ah. But the ending really lol. So the girl got married. And the guy met Autumn. Sometimes, in life, you'll just never know what is meant to be.

Not feeling good today. Woke up at 1pm but cause I slept at like 5 in the morning I think. Tired and feeling nothing, just feel like cuddling on my bed for the whole damn day. But I can't.

Yesterday night, after so long, I took everything out to read. I smile, I laugh, my heart sank. I wrote a letter, sealed it. But I guess it will never be given out. You got the ending, answered, from the very start. But what's different is that at the very start, you thought it would have ended by then which it didn't but eventually it did.

Dear John

Just done with Dear John. Another teary me. But this time I cried less. This plot had a lot more hanging. I still thought The Notebook was better. Nevertheless nice movie. Nicholas Sparks is a good author indeed. Quite enjoying how I'm spending time catching some movies which is new and good :) 500 days of Summer tomorrow when I wake up :) But first, I think I should clean up my room, tidy it up a bit, and get ready for Year 2 I guess, like throwing stuffs that I've accumulated in Year 1 away, do we even need them anyway. Shall see what time I'll wake up tomorrow. Sleeping like a pig these days, waking up naturally, having only just a meal a day. Which is good cause is like on diet and I like. I should really start exercising or else my weigh will be at risk. And, come to think of it, only 2 days of my holidays have started, there's so much more to do to fill up the rest of the 51 days. Awww, how good 51 sounds.

I feel good today, not the sad me that I've been the past 2 days. Telling myself to just try my best, to not think so much. Nobody know what the future holds, who knows, dad or mum might win a lottery tomorrow. At times, I need not be so hard on myself, I bear what I can hold, and you and they know you've tried your best. I should stop thinking ahead, worrying but rather just go with the flow. You're young my dear, don't let things hold you down, although it's much easier to be said, but I'll try. I know I'm still restricted but well, make the best out of what you have. I'll only be having $150 next month as I didn't work due to the exams, and it'll be spent on all the birthday babies, i thought spending time with them should come first above any other else, true. Jiayou, seemun, you are the controller of your emotions, if you believe, you will, just keep feeding yourself hope, strength and faith every single day, you will walk through it sooner or later even before you know it. Positive thinking, positive thinking.

Everyone feels broken sometimes, but it's alright.

If you try the best you can, the best you can is good enough.

You are more than the choices you've made.

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes.

Don't let them hold you down.

Don't hide yourself in regret and guilt.

Set yourself free.

Life is just a moment, you might as well enjoy this day.

It's time to start believing that everything you want is on it's way.

Things are gna change now, for the better, trust me.

The heart is stronger than you think.

It's like it can go through anything, 

even when you think it can't,

it finds a way to still, 

push on though.

Even if it's hard, you just gotta be happy.

Just remember to smile, and that's good enough.

Chin up, beautiful.

XX

The Notebook

Just caught The Notebook. Such a nice movie, can't believe i miss this for so long. Life back then in the 40s, are so simple, they can just roll a boat in the river. Lol. Shall be catching a movie every single day. 500 days of summer. Dear John. I don't know, there's more, I want to watch those sad sad sad movies, I want to cry as the movie plays. I actually love watching movies and dramas that actually make people tears. Am I weird lol. And maybe some old black and white movies. Breakfast at Tiffany's maybe. Miss those nice movies that Mr Glover showed us backed then in Secondary School. I feel good today, slept till the noon, mum didn't woke me up for a jog, tsktsk. My eyes are tired lol shall get ready for work :)

Sighs. This is stupid. I'm suppose to be happy. But I'm not. This holiday I'll just sunk in deeper. Wake up felt like crying looking at the messages. It sound as though I'm not willing, I'm fine with it, really, but I sound as though I'm not and I don't want people to get the wrong idea. Sighs. Is so difficult, you can't be true to yourself, wear a mask, learn to not easily show my emotions, even if its fucking breaking and hurting inside, clench your fucking teeth and be strong bitch. What is this. Just wanna lie on my bed and never wake up and just hibernate forever. Stupid. I shall go missing in action, no facebook, no sims social, no blogging, no phone calls and messages, no tweeting, just go missing and never come back. Let's try this. So that I can sunk deep and not express anything to make myself feel better. Actually I don't think can, lol, wtv. Then mum is finding job when I woke up. It really aches me, my heart is so painful, I really can't stop crying. Fuck all these shits. Blasting music trying to block all the thoughts. Help :'( Feeling fucking inferior also, why am I so ugly and fat, urgh. Hate for myself so so much.

FREEDOM

Just wanna start off with this super awkz photo with the A&F model. You see the gap, hahahahahaha, omg, damn awkz. I'm gna go and take again ok. Besides, Grace and I gna try to work at A&F, heehee, wish us luck manz! :D

So today was the LAST PAPER. FUCKYEAH. I just damn slack for this paper I swear. I rolled around my bed while revising, kept falling asleep cause the weather shiok what no=x I happily blasted music at 5 plus in the morning and slowly put on make up and dress myself up. Every last paper liddat, holiday mood tsk. The paper was screwed. Mr Yam really one annoying teacher, tell us all chapters are tested then in the end only chapters after CTs are tested. Kcan, nevermind, then there's one stupid last question of 26 marks that fucking trolled everyone. Is like da fuck, nobody knows how to do. He still happily come and collect the script when all of us like screamt at him for the fucking difficult paper.Waulau, simi teacher is this, tsktsk, rage ah rage. Aiya, everyone just do damn badly, and we all get pulled up by bell curve alright^^

And yah, my SV gift really damn troll. Is funny lah, but is just damn hurtful for me, the receiver. So it's like he say he notice my hair is getting shorter and shorter so he hopes this might help. And you know what? It is a prevent hair fall shampoo or something then it also came with a pouch which was yellowish and dirty. I quite angry and pissed lah, cause to me right, you want give, give nice nice then in the end. Aiya, you know what, kcan, Gilda is right since I wanted to play I'm just gna accept it but since it is worthless to me I'll just dumped it in the bin. 

So after exam, went out with my girls, as Gilda has Committee Meeting, Grace and Jamie went to dye their hair, so Pris, Amanda and I accompanied Jing home. I don't know why but suddenly on the train my version damn blur, no energy, and I just like literally collapsed on the floor for damn long. I was really eff up cause like what the fuck is happening to me. My girls just ask me to calm down and not panic. Really, I don't know how to say, I've never experience this before, is really blur version, feel like vomiting, no energy, head pounding. Worst moment of my life seriously. Is just damn creepy lah, like I think I can die anytime, the blur version is really scary cause it lasted for damn long, idk, from like Bishan to Macperson I think. Just wna thank my girls for being by my side during that time :') Really damn sweet. We overshot our station and they just let me sit there till I feel better. Jing still went to buy Plum drink and sour sweets for me to eat. Then is like because of me we just like wasted an hour for me to rest and gain back some energy and vision. Then we also cab to Jing's house. When I reached Jing's house, I just lied on the sofa after lunch and slept. Felt so much better after the sleep but head still like heavy. 

Then we cab down to Far East to meet Grace, Gilda and Jamie. Hahaha, we quite cute uh, curious how does the ERP charges so we questioned the Taxi Uncle. I didn't knew we would be doing so much walking. And I was fucking wearing heels. Is like walking from far east to ion to far east to scape. I brought a plain tee and summer hat from Diaso. Shall do some diy on the plain tee someday^^ We also brought bunny ears cause Pris birthday is coming, on 1 March! :D Also brought a round shades! Yay, anyway is only 6.90 so ok, I shall not feel guilty for spending. So we told photo with A&F model as shown above, awkz photo, really cannot help but to laugh at this awkz photo. We went to scape brought breezer and just lepak and took photos for a while.

On the way home, my leg really can't tank anymore, I just sat on the floor from City Hall all the way to Boon Lay, glam much eh. Then I thirsty then no water only got left over breezer so I just drank, hahahah, really like some depression girl or something. Furthermore, don't know if it's the beer or the noon, just like damn warm and head abit heavy. But well, I survived back home so I guess I'm fine. Don't know what the fuck happened to me, I chose to believe it is due to the accumulated lack of rest during exams period or maybe stress or maybe contacts. 

So, yayyyy, exams are finally over, for good, actually I really know I'm gna do worst this sem than the previous. Mainly because of Bcomm which will just fucking pull my GPA down. Sigh. And, idk lah, all the modules just difficult lah. Aiya, sian whatever, enjoy my life till 16th April before I'm a FUCKING YEAR 2. Time flies man, is like my Year 1 just officially ended today, gg, I don't even know what have happened over the past one year in year one manz. And since I'm not involved in IBZ camp and I'm not gna be there as a camper anyway just aiya dont see the point, so yay, more free time for me. Just left baow i tink. Aiya, actually I really cannot be bothered to do all these things lah, I just don't really like to socialize and meet strangers. Just doing it for the sack of CCA points. Idk just couldn't find the passion to be a leader to be involved like how I did in secondary school for choir. 

Ok, I shall sleep and sleep as long as I want or just never wake up because there's no more exams, there's no more projects, is just 7 fucking weeks of freedom. Not really, but oh well, sighs, really need to earn money, hais. Feeling sad and head damn heavy, don't know if it's the drink, the incident in the noon or the night. Aiya, fuck this shit lah, today has been a good and bad day, sleep it away. I actually dread going to work. People enjoy, go out, go flea, go chalet then I need to work. Aiya, I don't know lah, I feel sad, really, but well, I gotta be realistic. Sigh sigh sigh. I love to sigh. Sighing is the only way you tell yourself things will get better. 

I love black and white cause I don't know. I like black cause I'm black.  

So excited about the holidays that I'm having no motivation to study for my last paper. Sigh. Hmmm. I'm looking forward to meet ups, family and me time. I want to buy studs, I want to buy paint, I want to buy fabric. I want to read, I want to run, I want to escape, I want to explore places that I've never been before, I want picnic, I want walks, I want photo shots. I want to feel carefree, nua on my bed on cooling weather like this, knowing that when I wake up the next day there's no projects to rush, or tests to mug for. Can I do all these stuffs in the seven week vacation? I hope I can. I shall and will find time. 

Heehee, ending off with a picture of myself cause I'm bored. 

Urgh, bitch, study damnit. 

Maybe is a good thing that exams are around. Because I'm so so so tired and drained. I revise for a paper, do the paper feeling nothing, end the paper feeling nothing, go home crash and revise for another paper. Maybe my tiredness is taking over all my other senses. But somehow I love how I'm treating myself now, late nights, no sleep or lack of sleep, the walking zombie feeling, the hungriness as the night falls, hmmm, it sucks but somehow I like it. LOL. Crazy. I like how I feel light, as though my soul is detached from my body, is like I'm walking and doing everything aimlessly. Maybe I don't even know what I'm doing now. Paper was.. I don't know, not feeling anything at all, but many said it was difficult, not sure, am glad I finish the paper. What's up next? ACF. Just one more to go.

Yesterday night and today morning was great. A nice conversation that warms my heart :') Happened to see Xiao Yuan in the morning, just when I was missing her, asking Zong Sheng if you think we'll see Xiao Yuan and she appeared :> It's like magic. Felt amazed by that moment that she really appear immediately before my eyes after I ended the sentence. She was rushing so I didn't approach her but the sight of her, heeehee, warms my heart. Miss her so much! Every time I study, I miss how she's always by my side giving me the support I need. Miss those times :')

Let everything be over pretty pretty soon please. There's so many things I need to do. I can't wait to meet everyone that I've been missing. Ajisen quite stupid, so at first working 6-10 on wed then suddenly 6-9 on thurs. Eh, wahlao, 3hrs so lame. And I shall try to make a top for myself this holiday :) Hungry hungry shall have dinner and get started! XX.

No sleep hence the walking zombie. Paper was easy but I didn't had time to finish so fml. Too tired so I crashed all the way till 7pm. Received a good news but i got to pass. Feeling like a piece of shit now yay. Im gna study bye. What a retarded post. Physically, mentally and emotionally drain I would say. Urgh. You're hopeless. Wish you were here. Why the sadness as the night falls. Sigh. This is dumb. If I die young. All of the above.

Happy V'Day ♥

Happy V'Day all! ♥♥♥ 

Just want to shout out to all my awesome friends out there! 

Thanks for all those unforgettable memories we had! :') 

Thanks for growing with me! 

Thanks for being there! 

Thanks for accepting me for who, I am :')

You know who you are, there's too many to list. 

My bff, my secondary school mates, my poly mates, my colleagues ♥

All of which, are very important people, who paint my life with colors :') 

And on top of all, my loving family ♥

My dad, My mum and my little brothers ♥

Sigh, I'm trying to sleep but I can't again. Urgh. Thinking about when I should return to work. Actually I want to quit but I need money. And I have no idea where can I find jobs higher than $6/hr that is near and flexible. I don't like the environment, but it's okay, i'll hang in there. They can look, they can say but just don't touch then I'm fine. It's just damn disgusting when you know people are looking at you, yuck. And how on earth did I survived for more than a year, my mum asked, when she just quit after 2 months plus. Well, because I know I need this job. Because I know dad is suffering much much more than I am. 

Really need money for March. Thinking to start immediately after papers on Wednesday because I only have four days more till 25th before the pay for February ends. But I don't know, there are plans which are uncertain yet. I don't know which should I be sacrificing. Then comes, ibz chalet from 27-29th, hmmm, should I go, should I  use the time to work instead. 

Le sigh. Mum just quit her work. So yah, dad is the sole bread winner once again. Thus, with this holidays, I really need and should earn as much as I can. Sigh. I'm aiming to spend only hundred per month, including transport fees, I hope I can! Don't think can, cause there's many birthday babies recently, lol. And, I need some time for my loved ones too. I really hope everyone can understand. Worst come to worst, I'll just walk from my house to Jp suah, can save like $1.50 to and fro siah, and a month like $45 wtf, sounds damn good. 

Ohwell, ohwell, I don't know, I'll try my best. Planning to treat parents to a good dinner once again like last year for Mother's Day, Mum's Birthday, Dad's Birthday and Father's Day. LOL, 4-in-1 ok =x Sorry, poor daughter but  a very sweet daughter ok, heehee, is the thought that counts right? :) I'm a far sighted girl ok. I've even have plans for my darling already. Heehee, weeee. 

Please do us some mercy, is like 1 year plus already, can everything start to ease please. Actually I don't mind and I don't complain (I do mind, I do complain to myself, but as in I understand and I'm willing to walk thru all this), but, well, I want everyone to be burden free from this. Money makes the world goes round. Well, it does. Money acts as the medium of exchange. For goods and services, for electricity, for water, for necessities, everything needs money, is not easy really, and all the red bills and the termination of internet connection and phone lines are just common. 

I don't believe in any religion, but here I am, I wish for god, buddah, someone up there, to hear my cries, to let everything ease by mid of the year. If this continues to drag, I'm really worried for my ShangHai XiaMen, Hong Kong and ShengZheng trip. I'll just rather not go. That big outflow will be harmful. Ohwell, if only I don't over think and put myself in this state. 

If only my brother can be more sensible, to stop focusing on badminton and totally not giving a fuck about n'lvls. When I try to talk to him nicely, really very nicely, not reprimanding, but giving him open ended questions, he say don't try to push my limits, I don't want to fight with you. I really don't know how can I help him. He even wants to go ITE, like just directly, cause he cannot be bothered. You really tink badminton can earn you a living? Wake up please. Playing badminton every single day, you really think such a tough practice will do you good? I wish for you to hurt yourself one day so that you can wake up. Harsh, but I guess that is the only way that will make you learn. You know you can do so much better, why don't you try, why don't you make sacrifices, why don't you grow up, why don't you be realistic. 

And my little brother with his tempers, and reaching home late everyday, and his devotion for basketball. Is okay, is the road of growing up, I just hope he turns out to be a good man, and not be affected by any bad people around him. Because I have so much faith in him. 

Sighs, being the eldest, does have many responsibilities to bear eh. I don't say it, but I do notice, I'm trying my best, silently, helping whenever I can, because this family is so much to me. I shall try my best to sleep now, I'm having a three day war with blaw. Not confident, not confident, ohwell. Sometimes I wonder, why am I so sensible, LOL, not trying to compliment myself, but yah. If only I wasn't. Perhaps, I'm born to be like this, to grow up at a young age, to be independent, maybe this is why I'm liddat, god set obstacles and they want me to be a strong girl so that I can help my family :')

I love my mummy and daddy, more than anything else ♥ Thanks for everything. I will be a good daughter. I still want to bring you guys to Korea to see the snow :') You guys keep me going :') Oh, and looks like we need a new family photo, heeehee.

XX. 

Masks.

Masks. How many do you have? How many secrets do you hide?

I'm quite a transparent person aren't I. As in, I'm straight forward, I don't really think before I say, I don't really think about my actions. True? So, do I have masks? I think I do. So does everyone, the most common mask that everyone wears is pretending to be happy and strong even though things may be collapsing in us. Actually mine aren't big problems, and I should most probably stop thinking. Well, I really hope I could. Time prove that I'm still stagnant. But I really look up to people who still shine everyday even though life is a bitch.  Every one have their story. Ever since that night, things hasn't been great. I hate when one day I suddenly drift into those moments and I'll be stuck there for a few days or so. And maybe is because of study break, and the fact that I'm alone at home, it allowed me to have time to pause and think. I rather go back to my busy life schedule, so that I have no time to pause and think, and just blinding spend my days away.

I hate how I haven't been focusing on my studies. Is stupid cause I often drift into some useless space. I really want to salute to my old self. That girl who doesn't even need sleeps, who doesn't even stop herself from studying. I salute. And I want to go back there.

I should do something good this coming holiday. I have people in mind, all planned up in my head. And, I will. To make a change that I've always want to. To make more effort. In this year when I'm turning 18, I hope that on December 13, 2012, nine more months later, I can tell myself I've been a better woman. To spend more time, to let people know I love them when they can still hear me. Is difficult to find time, but I'm the one who controls my own watch, I myself chose how I spend my time. To really slim down, laughs, bitch, you're fucking heavy. And, maybe do something I love, really interested in Do It Yourself stuffs. I would pretty much wish to make clothes for myself :) And, I pray to let me get in to Fashion & Design for my IS module, to let me pursue in something I'm super interested in. Sometimes I wonder, being such an art person, why am I pursuing business. And, to find time for myself. To read. I miss reading. I did had a wonderful time during Sec 4, reading, although it was forced to, lol, but yeap, love nicholas sparks. I want to hold up to my words because this year I'm turning 18. And to me, at the age of 18, it is time when you learn and slowly transform to be a strong, responsible woman.

XX

What should I do. 

How should I address this situation. 

May be I'm just too sensitive. 

I love how things are now,

but it's getting wrong,

but how can I make things right.

Even if we were to be back to the beginning, 

will things end up the same?

Learn to forgive,

stop being so hard on yourself.

左右为难... 

嗐! 不止左右，

东南西北都为难 :(

Life :')

Stars for a Cause

How this show never fails to make me appreciate my life and also at the same time wishing I can reach out to those in need. Actually, I'm very grateful that since I entered Ngee Ann Poly, it allowed me to have chances to reach out to those in need in the society. Firstly, thanks to TCP, the act of giving bread to those in need inspired my classmates to do the same. And this started of a chain effect in our course, to help those families and individuals in Clementi. Following, the module RWA, with activites such as community service, earth day and children's day, it lead us to appreciate our lives more.

When you do a good deed, you will naturally feel happy. And by doing a good deed, you're also bringing smiles across their faces. I'm happy to have brought smiles to their faces. And when you are doing it as a group, it feels even better, because it is multiplied by 48. Everyone has a beautiful heart, and I'm happy to have such pretty souls with me over these three years.

I've been wondering how in the future, can I lend a helping hand. How can I make the world a better place. Because there's so many people out there that needs our help. In the future, I want to make a difference, to bring smiles across faces, to make people's life better. We are fortunate, really, to have electricity, to own a laptop, to be educated..

I really think coming into poly has changed my thinking, to be a better woman. And my friends have also brought me new perspectives into life. Day by day, I hope I'm becoming a better person, a caring, giving, understanding, sensitive person. I still dwell on the past, I still question myself daily without making any moves, I'm still afraid. But one day, I want to forgive myself, I want to bring things back, I want to make a difference and I know I can. When there's a will there's a way.

Something that I've learnt from the show:
"Donations will only be 1-1=0 however an idea will be 1+1+1+.....= To infinity and beyond."
Rather than using money for donation, rather, create an idea, a way that you can help those in need, that is a better way of charity.

That's the reason why there's engineers and scientists because they create ideas, for humanitarians to reach out, for media to spread awareness and lastly for entrepreneurs to put everything together and make it happen. It is only when the world come together, then will we make a change, to make this world, a better place, for you and I.

You're one strong girl

Really admire Emma Watson. She's one strong confident lady.
Came upon it on tumblr and it brought me into tears as I'm also in that similar situation.
I'm grateful to have my family, a happy and loving one.
I know my parents isn't rich.
My mum have to work after 16 years.
She complaints every single day and I can see how tired she is.
My dad is silent but I know he has a lot of burdens to bear, a lot of bills and loans to clear.
Being the sole breadwinner aren't easy in supporting a family of 5.
And, it actually pains me to see how he is getting older and older day by day with his white hair.
That is why I always work hard in my studies, and work at the same time, because I want to help them.
I want them to know I appreciate their love, their scarifies, their pain.
At a age of 17, near 18, I do have cravings.
I can just spend money care-freely like how some does, but I don't.
Shucks, crying uncontrollably now.
I'm very disappointed at how slacken I've been this sem.
From a AD for MAEC to a B for MIEC Common Test.
This is just unacceptable.
I need full As this time round.
And I know I can do it.
Alright, chin up, you can do it, let's go.

The world is complicated. Humans are complicated. I'm complicated. Why do I never seem to end this misery. Insecurities. I need to stop getting affected. One day I will forgive myself, I hope. Because if that one day never comes, I'll just drown myself in misery every single time. And that, is unhealthy. Chin up, darling.

Life gets tough but the tough gets going 

I'm thinking of letting my hair grow, NOT CUTTING IT, till like maybe August or something, so that before Shanghai Xiamen trip I'll have a medium bob, like that above and maybe undercut again. Hahahahahaha. Nonsense Bitch. Really don't know why you like to change your hairstyle so much. When I told my parents, my dad damn cute, he say yah, you need your hair to keep you warm, laughs. Cause the news was just showing the newest record of people being freeze to death in China. Hahahaha, cute. Sianzzzzz. Hate studying. All I can think about is what will happen after 11am on 22nd Feb. I'll have some commitments, I guess. Firstly, baow, i have no idea what i'll be doing, but probably something :/ And, ibzcamp, which I have no idea about my roles still. But all of which will be happening during this long holiday. I'm afraid these commitments will leave me less time for work or even spend a week with my family in Msia. But I really need to work, sigh, cause I need to save up at least 1k for Shanghai Xiamen trip. And, above all, I NEED TO STOP SHOPPING. Actually I am what. Never really shop much at all these days. Tempted but not gna. Sighs, to save money, I'm like half a year away from the trip and probably hope I can save as much as I could. Actually I'm glad that I paid my school fees myself, 380+ the moment I received my pay, leaving me only 80+ dollars, is good cause I don't have money to spend on unnecessary stuffs. And what is necessary will only be transport, and if no choice, some meals here and there. Ohwell. I'm always worrying about the future, being in this situation for too long has cause me to plan the usage of my money ahead, 1k, omg, how am I going to do this, i really don't wna take money from my parents. They have already paid for my air tickets and accommodations, the rest shall leave it to me. And, fyi, 1k is the minimum, is best I can save another 1k more? Dayummmmmmm. People really need to understand. I'm not like you guys, I work to 'support' myself, spare a thought.

Happy week

This week had been great. I feel relaxed with all the projects coming to an end. I've been sleeping for 12 hours for two consecutive days. LOL. But, actually, exams is exactly just two weeks away, omfg. Yesterday was the best of the week because we get to spend a day with kids. I didn't thought so much about outfit so i just wore the zombified Audrey Hepburn top from treadless but to be denied by many when they saw it. Everyone say it was damn scary and it will scare the kids away. LOL. And I really did, laughs, one boy said, she's a ghost pointing to my shirt. And I feel damn insecure when everyone look at my top ok. Like eeeyer, why you looking at me. Seriously didn't knew the top will BE SO DAMN ATTENTION SEEKING.

They are kids whose family has problems. But they are damn adorable. My kid was naughty, damn active, damn energetic, damn lively and super duper cute. She really got me tired. She's pulling me everywhere manz. But nevertheless I enjoyed it, a lot. The walk was so much meaningful with the kids. I love the walk, would love to go back, but I'm super duper afraid of the monkeys. After that, ibz packed food and went to the roof top at vivo to have dinner. It was nice, the atmosphere was nice, everything was nice. I was very tired so I went off with Grace and Amanda first. Did some window shopping. How I wish I have the money. But no, I need to pay my school fees once pay is out. Shall not burden my parents. And thank god there's no much schooling anymore.

Alright, I've been wanting to study since 10 but just cant bring myself to it so I decided to blog like how I always did. Three consecutive days of work coming, that's why I must study before I work so that I won't waste my long weekend away, really need to do well for finals becuz I can't pull my gpa any lower. Stupid bcomm, burden siah. Oh and did I mention, I'm happy with my rwa results that I burst into tears of happiness. Actually I really love to cry lah, poly friends don't see that much only, ask my old friends, they know how i can cry at almost everything. The time wasted on not enjoying my cny was worthwhile. Let's hope the time spent this two weeks on mugging will be worthwhile. I really need to perform well, I always freak myself out during finals hence performing badly. Please don't pull my gpa any lower, 3.72 cannot go any lower anymore. Is like I have to get all A so that stupid bcomm wont pull me down so much, urgh, burden siah lah wtf. I tink I'll most probably get a C for bcomm lohz. Dayummmmmm. I was damn happy when Terence and Chester said I improved in my skills just to be face palmed by bcomm teacher that the idea was not persuasive enuff, oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Oh and ibz is playing secret valentine, hahahaha, i wonder whose mine, and i changed my no. so i really dk who my secret valentine will be, lol, wth. I hope my secret valentine give sth i want, LOL. Anddddddddddddddd, #npibz trend first in Singapore on Tuesday 31st January!!! Woohoo, fuck yea, we really buzy tweeting #npibz, our hard work paid off, so many of us were banned from twitter manz, laughs, even me, dayummmmmm. Oh, and I love my red hair. Heeheee.